"Don't dance around the perimeter of the person you want to be. Step in fully and completely" ~Gabby Bernstein~
Many of us experience periods in our lives when we don't
embody the confidence necessary to pursue our dreams and goals. The complexity
of our lives and the demands on our time, energy and attention often have each
of us juggling so many tasks and responsibilities that we rarely take the time
out to think about how we can increase our self-confidence. Confidence isn't
everything, howeverwe won't achieve much of what we desire to experience
without it.
When we lack confidence in ourselves, we are more apt to
succumb to our fears and self-doubt when it comes to pursuing new possibilities
in our lives. We question if we have what it takes to do what is necessary
achieve our desired goals. We are more susceptible to the negative opinions of
others when they speak against what we want to achieve. We allow our limiting
beliefs about our circumstances confine us to the status quo. We sabotage our
progress because we lack a strong sense of self-worth. Confident people realize
the story that they tell themselves about who they can become, what they can
do, what they are strong enough to handle and what they are worthy of
experiencing shapes their identity. They are confident because of a strong
sense of self that is nurtured by an empowering identity of who they are and
who they believe they can become.
Developing a confident identity isn't about your race,
gender, circumstances or past; it's about the beliefs that make up the story
you tell yourself about yourself and the courage that you demonstrate to pursue
new possibilities in your life. In this three part series, A Guide to A More
Confident You, I will share insights and strategies that can help you become a
more confident person.
Develop A Confident Outlook
Confident people think and approach life proactively, which
means you may have to make some fundamental changes in the story you tell
yourself about what you are capable of and get comfortable with the temporary
discomfort that occur as you take steps to pursue new possibilities in your
life. View your self-confidence as a major key to unlocking the doors of how
your want to live, today and in the future. Every time you challenge a limiting
belief about what is possible in your life with a renewed sense of your strong
and who you are able to become, you will begin to embody a greater sense of
confidence that will have a ripple affect in each area of your life. In part
one of this series, I discuss the role self-acceptance have on your ability to
become a more confident person.
Confidence Building Tip #1: Self acceptance is a cornerstone
for living with more confidence. It involves having realistic expectations
about yourself and life. Self-acceptance enables you to recognize your
strengths and weaknesses. It allows you to walk with a loving awareness of your
humanity, it's goodness and flaws. Self-acceptance enables you to embody your
strengths to lead a life that is in concert with your core beliefs, values and
priorities. You recognize that you don't have to be a carbon copy of someone
else to live a confident and successful lifestyle. Self-acceptance requires an
awareness of your strengths and weakness, your goodness and flaws. It empowers
you to have a strong sense of who you are, who you can become, what you can do,
what you are strong enough to handle and worthy of experiencing.
Self-acceptance inspires you with a desire to be a full
expression of your authentic self. Self-acceptance doesn't happen when you hate
the person you are. It happens when you love yourself enough to believe that
you can do better and deserve better. Loving and accepting yourself naturally
leads to an increase in your self-confidence.
Believe You Are Worthy of Experiencing Better in Life
Pat Pearson, author of STOP Self-Sabotage points
out, "We don't allow ourselves to have what we want until we believe-truly
believe - that we deserve it." Getting out of your own way and manifesting
more of what you truly want in life begins with the journey of accepting
yourself while expanding your beliefs and feelings about your self-worth and
what you deserve to experience in life. Your beliefs about what you are worthy
of experiencing in life influences how you treat yourself, determines the
relationships you get involved in and the manner in which you value the time
and life energy spent to generate the money you earn. Your sense of worthiness
shapes your career path and the goals you pursue and achieve in life. It even
effects the level of fortitude you demonstrate when faced with setbacks and how
quickly you get back on track.
When you were a baby you didn't have no question about your
right to be loved or held. You made no apology for wanting what you wanted or
feeling the way you felt. As you got older, something began to happen. Pearson
writes, "Our innate sense of being worthy to express our feelings and need
starts to get lost as we mature. Instead of believing we deserve love just for
"being", we lower our self-esteem and try to earn approval and love
by "doing". We begin to think we must earn love, and so we give up
our real feelings to meet the approved image. As we get older, we start to
shrink our beliefs about our own abilities." Somehow, everyone else seems
to be able to get what they want in life while you continue to circle the same
circumstances and repeat the same patterns. Overtime, these experiences began
to diminish your self-esteem and confidence.
Raise Your Deserve Level and Stop Self-Sabotage
Be encouraged. You can raise your deserve level. Pearson
writes, "In order to increase your deserve level, you need to take
possession of your feelings as clearly and as authentically as you can. When
you integrate and honor both your thoughts and feelings, you have complete
permission to have what you want." Your beliefs about yourself and what
you deserve to experience in life is linked to your sense of self-worth.
What would you say was the level of deserve expressed in your
family while you were growing up as a child? Were you permitted to express your
feelings or required to stuff them? Did you feel that you were loved no matter
what with unconditional love? Or, did you feel that you had to "earn"
the love of your parents, siblings and extended family? What was the story that
you held about your sense of worthiness as a child? How is any part of that
story repeating itself in your relationships, health and wellness, personal
finances, education and career? In which of these areas do you need to raise
your beliefs about what you are worthy of experiencing to achieve your present
aspirations? Confidence in what you believe about what you are worthy of
experiencing in life begins with your beliefs about what you deserve.
Transforming your limiting beliefs into empowering self-talk and aligning your
behavior with the person that you need to become to manifest the dreams and
goals that you desire to experience is a surefire sign that you believe that
you can do better and have better in life.
Lessons from the Wizard of Oz
In the movie the Wizard of Oz, it takes a life and death
challenge for each of the main characters to realize that the very thing they
want from the Wizard already exists within their capacity. The Scarecrow
doesn't think he's smart enough to endure difficulties, and yet all alone he's
the guy with the logic and reasoning that guide the group to make the right
choices. The Tin Man thinks that he's worthless because he was made without a
hart, except that his compassion for others and his passion for not giving up
are what keep everyone going. The Cowardly Lion is ashamed that he lacks
courage that should accompany the "King of the Beasts" but when put to
the test, he acts with courage in the face of fear. It's the Lion that steps
forward with the real cojones to confront and exposed the man behind the
curtain who has assumed a role of power that he doesn't deserve. The Lesson of
the Ruby Slippers was that the whole time Dorothy struggled to get home,
thinking only the Wizard could help her, when she actually had the power to do
so all along. Her ability to understand the power of what she already possessed
was obscured by her fear.
Ask yourself: How am I demonstrating a lack of
self-acceptance towards myself? What is the dominant story I'm telling myself
about what I'm worthy of experiencing in life? What fears are preventing me,
like the main characters of the Wizard of Oz, from tapping into the strength that
I already possess? What are some small steps that I can begin to take that will
help me reduce the anxiety I feel towards manifesting new possibilities in my
life? Expressing your full potential will require that you accept yourself.
Accepting who you are, as you strive to express more of your
unique ability is pivotal to becoming a more confident person. It necessitates
that you value your present abilities so that you can leverage them to manifest
new possibilities in your life. Recognizing the numerous influences that has
shaped your beliefs about what you deserve and is worthy of experiencing sheds
light on automatic response patterns that may be influencing you to
self-sabotage. Self-acceptance is a key principle to maximizing your present
moments. Optimizing your present opportunities to grow and develop your talents
enables you to cultivate the foresight to embrace growth strategies that
increase your capacity to be more, do more and build your confidence.
Actionable Step: Create a Confidence Booster Jar/Box.
Purchase a Mason jar or small gift box and label it, "Confidence
Booster". Get a pack of post it's or cut blank sheets of paper. On each
piece of paper write down those times when you overcame an obstacle, bounce
back from a setback and accomplished something you were very proud of. For the
next 30 days, read one of your notes out loud to yourself to affirm your
ability and self-worth and boost positive thoughts and emotions about yourself.
Make it a daily ritual by placing more positive notes in your "Confidence
Booster" jar/box.
Share this idea with a family member and friend. Perhaps you
can write positive notes about each other and swap them. Allow this simple, yet
powerful practice become something nice that you do for yourself on a daily
basis. Next week in part two, I will share why and how strengthening your
inner-self is essential to developing and sustaining self-confidence. What are
your thoughts about how confidence or the lack thereof has affected your
success towards a goal? Share your thoughts below.
Jackie Capers-Brown is the Founder and CEO of the Next Level
Greatness Training Group located in Columbia, SC. She publishes personal and
professional development insights on her blog, Grow Forward & Flourish.
By Jackie Capers-Brown
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